フレンズ シーズン1-1 音読用スクリプト (シーズン1-1全スクリプト)
There’s nothing to tell! He’s just some guy I work with! You’re going out with the guy! There’s gotta be something wrong with him! Does he eat chalk? I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Carl. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex. Sounds like a date to me. I’m back in high school, I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. Then I look down, and I realize there’s a phone there. All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don’t know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. And they weren’t looking at you before?! I figure I’d better answer it, and it turns out it’s my mother, which is very weird, because she never calls me! This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck. Carol moved her stuff out today. Let me get you some coffee. Don’t! Stop cleansing my aura! Just leave my aura alone. I hope she’ll be very happy. To hell with her, she left me! You never knew she was a lesbian. Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn’t know, how should I know? Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I say that out loud? I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well. So that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., “I’ll never have grandchildren.” was what? A wrong number? You’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You’re hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joint! You’re single! Have some hormones! I just wanna be married again! And I just want a million dollars! I just went to your building and you weren’t there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here. Can I get you some coffee? Everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. You remember my brother Ross? You wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? It started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. I always knew looked familiar. Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering ‘Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?’. I just didn’t know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city. Who wasn’t invited to the wedding. I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue. I’m guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she’s really not happy about it. I’ll have whatever Christine is having. I can’t marry him! I’m sorry. It matters to me! If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. She should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs. Listen to me! It’s like all of my life, everyone has always told me, ‘You’re a shoe!’. And today I just stopped and I said, ‘What if I don’t wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat! No, I’m not saying I want you to buy me a hat. It’s a metaphor. You can see where he’d have trouble. It’s my life. I’ll just stay here with Monica. I guess we’ve established who’s staying here with Monica. That’s my decision. I don’t need your money. Just breathe that’s it. Just try to think of nice calm things. I’m all better now. This is probably for the best. Taking control of your life. You need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he’s away a lot. Stop hitting on her! It’s her wedding day! There’s a rule or something? Please don’t do that again, it’s a horrible sound. Buzz him in! Your ‘not a real date’ tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? He finally asked you out? I can cancel. That’d be fine! I mean, do you want me to stay? That’d be good. No, go on! What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? Come in! I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. I’ll be right back. I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can’t be good. Here’s a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red. What’re you up to tonight? I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing! You’re not even getting your honeymoon. If you don’t feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture. We’re very excited about it. I think I’m just gonna hang out here tonight. It’s been kinda a long day. I wish I could, but I don’t want to. I’m supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs. I’m thinking we’ve got a bookcase here. It’s a beautiful thing. What’s this? I would have to say that is an ‘L’-shaped bracket. Which goes where? Done with the bookcase! All finished! This was Carol’s favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known. If you’re gonna start with that stuff we’re outta here. Please don’t spoil all this fun. Let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo. What did you get? You guys. You got screwed. I’m such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. How clean can teeth get? My brother’s going through that right now, he’s such a mess. How did you get through it? You might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers. leg? That’s one way! I went for the watch. You actually broke her watch? The worst thing I ever did was, I shredded by boyfriend’s favorite bath towel. Steer clear of you. I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn’t, it’s about me. Hi, machine cut me off again. I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn’t me, it’s not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance. I’m only 26 and I’m divorced! That only took me an hour. Between us we haven’t had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don’t do it! I don’t think that was my point! You know what the scariest part is? What if there’s only one woman for everybody, what if you get one woman- and that’s it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her. What are you talking about? ‘One woman’? That’s like saying there’s only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something. There’s lots of flavors out there. You could get ‘em with whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! I honestly don’t know if I’m hungry or horny. Stay out of my freezer! Ever since she walked out on me.. You wanna spell it out with noodles? It’s more of a fifth date kinda revelation. There is gonna be a fifth date? Isn’t there? What were you gonna say? Ever since she left me, I haven’t been able to perform sexually. I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. I’m glad you smashed her watch! You still think you might want that fifth date? Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve grabbed a spoon? Do the words ‘Billy, don’t be a hero’ mean anything to you? I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea. Angela’s the screamer, Andrea has cats. It’s June. I’m outta here. Here’s the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to ask a woman out, who am I gonna ask? Isn’t this amazing? I have never made coffee before in my entire life. That is amazing. I figure if I can make coffee, there isn’t anything I can’t do. If can invade Poland, there isn’t anything I can’t do. While you’re on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something. Although actually I’m really not that hungry. I’m telling you last night was like all my birthdays, both graduations. We’ll talk later. That wasn’t a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date? Put my table back. I gotta get to work. If I don’t input those numbers, it doesn’t make much of a difference. You guys all have jobs? We all have jobs. See, that’s how we buy stuff. I’m an actor. Would I have seen you in anything? I doubt it. Mostly regional work. Unless you happened to catch the Reruns’ production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park. I will not take this abuse. You should both know, that he’s a dead man. So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can’t stop smiling. I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth. Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? It’s like that. With feelings. Are you in trouble. Want a wedding dress? Hardly used. I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Wish me luck! What for? I’m gonna go get one of those job things. Welcome back! How was Florida? You had sex, didn’t you? How do you do that? I’m pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you’re having sex! You know Paul like I know Paul? Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. Of course it was a line! Why would anybody do something like that? I assume we’re looking for an answer more sophisticated than ‘to get you into bed’. I hate men! You don’t want to put that out into the universe. Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? Gimme your feet. I just thought he was nice. I can’t believe you didn’t know it was a line! Guess what? You got a job? I’m trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. And yet you’re surprisingly upbeat. You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off! How well you know me. How’d you pay for them? And who pays for that? Come on you guys, is this really necessary? I can stop charging anytime I want. You can’t live off your parents your whole life. I know that. That’s why I was getting married. Give her a break, it’s hard being on your own for the first time. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn’t know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. The word you’re looking for is ‘Anyway’. I’m not ready! How can I be ready? “You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?” I can’t do this! You made coffee! You can do anything! I think we can just leave it at that. It’s kinda like a symbolic gesture. That was a library card! If you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You’re gonna love it! That’s it. You gonna crash on the couch? I gotta go home sometime. Look what I just found on the floor. That’s Paul’s watch. You just put it back where you found it. You have it. Split it? You probably didn’t know this, but back in high school, I had a major crush on you. I always figured you just thought I was Monica’s geeky older brother. I did. Try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? What’s with you? I can’t believe what I’m hearing here. Would you stop? Was I doing it again? I said that you had a nice butt, it’s just not a great butt. You wouldn’t know a great butt if it came up and bit ya. Would anybody like more coffee? Did you make it, or are you just serving it? I’ll have a cup of coffee. I’m in Las Vegas. Could you give this to that guy over there? Go ahead.