フレンズ シーズン1-3 音読用スクリプト (シーズン1-3全スクリプト)
How’d it go? Not so good. He walked me to the subway and said ‘We should do this again!’ He said ‘we should do it again’, that’s good, right? Loosely translated ‘We should do this again’ means ‘You will never see me naked’. It’s like dating language. Y’know, like ‘It’s not you’ means ‘It is you’. ‘You’re such a nice guy’ means ‘I’m gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you’. ‘I think we should see other people’ means ‘Ha, ha, I already am’. Everybody knows this? Cushions the blow. It’s like when you’re a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm. Our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm. The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase. So how does it feel knowing you’re about to die? In five minutes my pain will be over. But you’ll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die. That was really good! Let’s keep going. Whaddya want from me. I just wanna go back to my cell. ‘Cause in my cell, I can smoke. Smoke away. I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone. Relax your hand! Let your wrist go. Not so much! Try taking a puff. Give it to me. I am not giving you a cigarette. Do you wanna get this part, or not? Don’t think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that’s been missing from your hand. When you’re holding it, you feel right. You feel complete. Y’miss it? Chandler give me that. You’ve got your options. You can smoke it like this. You can hold it in your mouth and smoke it like this. All right you try. How’s this? That’s not bad. When you’re finished it’s really cool if you flick it. You flick it. That’s good. Now you keep practicing. I thought it had to do with size of a guy’s feet. They say it’s the same as the distance from the tip of a guy’s thumb to the tip of his index finger. That’s ridiculous! Can I use either thumb? I’m going to go with the foot theory. Don’t tell me. Decaf cappucino for Joey. I’m getting pretty good at this! Good for me! It’s my bank. What did they do to you? It’s nothing. I’m going through my mail, and I open up their monthly statement. There’s five hundred extra dollars in my account. Satan’s minions at work again. I have to go down there, and deal with them. What are you talking about? Keep it! It’s not mine, I didn’t earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing. If you spent it, it would be like shopping! Let’s say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I’d hear, with every step I took? ‘Not-mine.’ And even if I was happy and skipping- ‘Not-not-mine’ We’re with you. We got it. I’d never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt. What are you doing? What is this?! I’m smoking. I can’t believe you! You’ve been so good, for three years! This is my reward! Hold on a second. Just think about what you went through the last time you quit. You know what? Forget about you! Think about what we went through the last time you quit. This time I won’t quit! Put it out! I’m putting it out. I can’t drink this now! I’m gonna go change, I’ve got a date. This Alan again? How’s it goin’? ‘S’going pretty good, y’know? It’s nice, and, we’re having fun. When do we get to meet the guy? Let’s see, today’s Monday. Never. Come on! Not after what happened with Steve. What are you talking about? I don’t even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out. Then can we meet him? Why should I let them meet him? I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they’re all over him. They’re like coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd. As someone who’s seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I’ll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. They’re your friends, they’re just looking out after you. I just wish that once, I’d bring a guy home that they actually liked. You do realize the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy. You mind if I whimper a little bit? I’m done. Let it go. You didn’t know Chi Chi. Do you all promise? We promise! We’ll be good! Do you promise to be good? You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside! Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We’re sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you’ll accept this football phone as our free gift. Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone! What bank is this? It’s him. Who is it? He’s here! Please be good. Just remember how much you all like me. I’ve heard so much about all you guys! I’ll call you tomorrow. Let’s let the Alan-bashing begin. Who’s gonna take the first shot? I’ll go. Let’s start with the way he kept picking at- no, I’m sorry, I can’t do this. We loved him. Wait a minute! We’re talking about someone that I’m going out with? I will never look at an olive the same way again. Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked. Like the man in the shoe! From the nursery rhyme. There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a while. I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured. What future boyfriends? I think this could be it. I’d marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I’m gonna be doing that at parties. You know what I like most about him, though? The way he makes me feel about myself. How was the game? We won! Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible? He was unbelievable. He was like Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan. It was like he made us into a team. We sure showed those Hassidic jewelers a thing or two about softball. Can I ask you guys a question? D’you ever think that Alan is maybe a little too Alan? That’s impossible. You can never be too Alan. It’s his innate Alan-ness that we adore. I personally could have a gallon of Alan. Hey, Weird Girl. I brought you alphabet soup. Did you pick out the vowels? I left in the Ys. I also have something else for you. Would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone? There’s really money in here. What are you doing? I want you to have it. I don’t want it. I have to give you something. That’s fine, no. Would you like my tin-foil hat? No. ‘Cause you need that. Let me do something. You buy me a soda, and then we’re even. Keep the change. Sure you don’t wanna pretzel? A thumb?! I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker! It’s a contest like collect all five? Anyone wanna see? Don’t do that! Cut it out! It’s worse than the thumb! This is so unfair! I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey’s constant knuckle-cracking isn’t annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? What the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws, why can’t you accept me for this? Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody? I could live without it. Is it a little annoying when Phoebe chews her hair? Don’t listen to him, I think it’s endearing. There’s nothing wrong with speaking correctly. I should really get back to work. Because otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on. Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like? I’m going out with a guy my friends all really like. We talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through! Can you believe it? They feel the thing, I don’t feel the thing. You should always feel the thing. If that’s how you feel about the guy, dump him! It’s gonna be really hard. He’s a big boy, he’ll get over it. He’ll be fine. It’s the other five I’m worried about. Do you have any respect for your body? Don’t you realize what you’re doing to yourself? I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it. It’s Alan, he wants to speak to you. What’s up! She told you about that. I have one now and then. That’s true, no-one’s ever put it like that before. He’s good. If only he were a woman. Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it’d be talking too. I think it’s time to change somebody’s nicotine patch. Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong? I think he’s across the hall. There y’go. I’m alive with pleasure now. You gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart? I might! Those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb. And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. What is up with the universe?! What’s going on? I just think it’s nice when we’re all here together. Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear. We have to talk. I’m getting a deja vu. There it is! It’s about Alan. Speaking of which, did you tell him that we’re on for the Renaissance Fair next weekend? Before you get into that, there’s something that you should know. There’s really no easy way to say this. I’ve decided to break up with Alan. Is there somebody else? It’s just things change. People change. We didn’t change.. So that’s it? It’s over? Just like that? You let your guard down, you start to really care about someone. I could go on pretending. But that wouldn’t be fair to me, it wouldn’t be fair to Alan. It wouldn’t be fair to you! Who wants fair? I just want things back the way they were. She’s sorry! I feel better! I just can’t believe this! With the holidays coming up, I wanted him to meet my family. I’ll meet someone else. There’ll be other Alans. Are you guys gonna be okay? We’ll be fine. We’re just gonna need a little time. I understand. I’m really sorry. I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved. I had a great time with you. I just can’t stand your friends. Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats? That was fun. He could row like a Viking. So how’d it go? Did he mention us? He said he’s really gonna miss you guys. You had a rough day. I’m getting cigarettes. I don’t care! Game’s over! I’m weak! I’ve gotta smoke! I’ve gotta have the smoke! If you never smoke again I’ll give you seven thousand dollars!